Life, The Universe and Psionics
by ferae naturae
Summary: On Emma, On Andrea, On Loss (ff, shal-emma, shal-andrea) Thoughts


Life, The Universe and Psionics

By Ferae Naturae

Spoilers: This fic has big spoilers for** Lest he Become, Into The Moonless Night, and Where evil Dwells.**

Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine.

AN: Just watched Where Evil Dwells and couldn't help but see a pairing, whether there was one there or not. (coz let's face it, I'm a slash writer and that's what we do). I have no idea what Andrea's mutation was. I've called it 'transcognitive' with the thought of 'sharing knowledge', but I really don't have a clue.

I hate having the unbalanced team without a psionic. I don't give a damn whether they wanted to make it a more action-based show, it's now unbalanced and since it only had one leg to stand on in the first place well it won't be long. Let's hope they're sensible enough to bring Emma back in time because - let's face it - there's no way she died in Moonless Night. No way, no how. I'd rather accept that she and Adam eloped. (OK, ramble over)

(apologies everyone who read this before editing. I was sure I was hearing Angela, not Andrea. :-S oops)

They always seemed to be leaving her.

They would start there, such a perfect opposition to her physicality.

All in mind instead of body.

Something ethereal to her substance.

Disjointed in some way from reality - what little of it there was left in this unreal world around them.

And then they would move to here, to a point somewhere over her heart where they sat for a time. And every smile was a lifetime of joy and every whisper spoke of something only they could ever know of. And every touch sent fire through that point, somewhere over her heart, and warmed her from the inside out.

But always after that time - be it short or long, she had experienced both - they would leave her. With a cold patch over her heart and another space to fill. And with more guilt. Because always - when it came down to it - it was her fault.

If she hadn't been so determined to save her father. If she hadn't rushed in there headlong as she always seemed prone to doing. If she had seen in time. If she had found her. If she had had time to say goodbye

If she had realised before. If she had seen the confusion in her eyes. Seen the joy in Marker's. If she had taken her down earlier. If she hadn't of ducked

The quiet black fire always seemed to rise up then, when the guilt was worst. It filled the space, if only temporarily, with angry words. Betrayal.

The knife in Andrea's hands. The psionic blast spinning her away. The darkness in their eyes - identical, not coincidentally - when they thought she wasn't looking. The smile. The look in Adam's eyes as he talked of Emma's confrontation with Ivanov. Searching empty streets for a loved one's face. The look in Jesse's - though he couldn't see it himself, or remember why it scared him - when he thought of Kovakshan. Unable to move. Unable to think. Manipulation.

Brennan had said, as he had hovered - as was becoming his way, feeling Mutant X taken out of his hands - that they had called her subconsciously knowing, and somehow already planning their departure. Maybe he hadn't meant Emma too, but somehow it fit The strongest psionic so far. So much strength that Adam had kept it near to him until the end. It would make sense that as the strongest she would be the most plagued by the darkness. The one with the smallest step between the minds around her. All of human-kinds emotions. How many of the total were those of joy, happiness, love? What percentage plagued her, ripped at her soul, pulled her down. She had often shared the former with her teammates. Who had she shared the others with? Who had she used to keep these off her chest? Had she fallen from the building that night? Or had she just let go

Andrea had seemed so much stronger. Older, wiser perhaps. She had fallen for her old friend so easily as she mourned the empty void that the empath had once filled. Turned to her for some of that strength. And she had needed that strength as Mutant X threatened to fall about her ears without their mentor's guidance. His own motives, to which she had lived all of her life, put in question. Her life in question. Who was she really fighting for? She didn't know anymore. Perhaps only to see the next day. And then the next. Was that not worth fighting for?

To know that all the transcognitive had wanted was an end and that she had known beyond any doubt that the feral would be able to give it. Would be strong enough. Knowing that if pushed hard enough the feral's instincts would take over. Knowing that she would duck

Maybe the next one she would be allowed to keep for longer.

And Mutant X still needed a psionic.

Maybe the next one wouldn't leave her.

But for now all she could do was see the next day.

And after that, who knows.

Maybe there would be another one.

geocities.com/oncas_dreams (Emma lives on)

Onça's Dreams needs more fic people. Got anything that fits? Yell at me!!


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